We’ve all been there – that moment when our child has burst out with angry and hurtful words at an inappropriate moment or in frustration has flung out their arm and hit their teacher (or grandparent) or hauled off and kicked another child for taking their toy.   The recipient of the angry outburst is hurt.  We are feeling embarrassed.  We want our child to say, “Sorry,” because we know they’ve done something wrong.  But there is no Sorry in them.  They feel absolutely justified in their anger and frustration, and maybe rightly so.    Do we force them to apologize...

I watched my husband move toward the edge to look into the chasm of the Victoria Falls.  My whole body reacted.  I felt weak, my knees rubbery and panic gripped me.  I needed him to move back from the edge and it needed to happen now.  Now! NOW!   Though Victoria Falls in Zimbabwe is classified as the largest water in the world and there are no fences along the edge of the large chasm, my reaction was not logical. David was on his belly, inching forward. He was safe. He was being cautious.  So why did I go into such...

There is something appealing about Mr. Spock from Vulcan on Star Trek.  Steady, controlled, logical, calm and cool in the face of danger.  But really not much fun to be around and with no allowance to connect, love and attach to other people.  The reason – emotions are messy! They are inconvenient and disruptive, catching us at awkward times and leaving us feeling weak and overwhelmed.   Emotions are even messier and harder to deal with when we see them in our children.  They don’t have their tantrum safely in their room at home, out of sight and sound of others,...

We are either a conduit for the stresses of the world or a buffer from the stresses for our child. Alphie Kohn    You’ve probably heard reference to “helicopter” parents. I know that I’ve been accused of being one. And I really don’t mind.  We as parents are meant to buffer our children, to protect them and to shelter them in the storms of life.  But there is a fine line that we walk.   My definition of “helicopter” parent is one who won’t let their child do anything for fear of injury (mental, physical and/or emotional), for fear of the...

Feeling as if there aren’t enough hours in the day?  Hitting the ground running as soon as you are out of bed?  Long day at work plus other activities awaiting you and your family in the evening? Well, blame the Puritans (those folks who came here on the Mayflower).  Blame the Protestant work ethic.  Blame the Biblical book of Proverbs and the apostle Paul for all their admonitions against idleness.  The work ethic came from a time where days of long labour were balanced by going to bed when the sunset because there was no electric light, meaning that you got...

We want our children to have good morals and good ways of living. We want them to know how to work with others and to have happy healthy relationships.  But we tend to focus on their behaviour. We reward or praise good behaviour and punish or criticize bad behaviour. But if we really want good behaviour (and good morals and good living) for our children, we don’t start with the behaviour. Neither praise nor punishment will create the long term inner faith, morals and happiness we want for our children.  Life-long good living for our kids comes in this way:  ...

How can the relationship between children and their parents survive separation and divorce?   Posted on April 8, 2015 at www.neufeldinstitute.com   by Dagmar Neubronner   Dagmar is on Faculty with the Neufeld Institute and director of the German language Neufeld training and education.   When my marriage broke up, my biggest concern and feeling of guilt was: What are we doing to our children? Children are creatures of attachment – attachment does not just happen in a short window of time right after birth. It is deepening with every year and needs refreshing interaction. My children would not be able...

Someday we won’t be talking about the June 2013 flood that hit High River, or at least not as much. But for now, we do need to talk and acknowledge how it has shaped and changed us individually and as a community. The waters that poured out of the mountains and raged down the river beds on that Thursday, June 20th not only shifted and reshaped the landscape of our town, but also the landscape of our personal lives and our relationships (marriage, committed relationships, friendships.) To deny or ignore these changes is not helpful in the recovery of the town...

We all need an Alpha in our lives, a higher power. It’s how we function best as human beings. When we know that there is someone/something greater than ourselves, we have two essentials for our lives: a) meaning & purpose and b) a place to rest from worries, fears & having to be the one in charge. I need to know who my Alpha is, so that I can be the best Alpha for my children – the one who a) helps them find meaning & purpose in their lives and b) gives them a place to rest from worry &...

Where’s the Manual? I remember lying in bed, in those first months after my first child was born, and thinking that if only a Manual came with my child, I could be the best parent in the world. The Manual would give instructions and I would do it – and it would be so much easier than…..   So much easier than reality – which is the learning as we go that we all do as parents. Just when we think we’ve got it figured out, we hit a new stage and need new skills and strategies. Then, if we have...