Where’s the Manual? I remember lying in bed, in those first months after my first child was born, and thinking that if only a Manual came with my child, I could be the best parent in the world. The Manual would give instructions and I would do it – and it would be so much easier than…..
So much easier than reality – which is the learning as we go that we all do as parents. Just when we think we’ve got it figured out, we hit a new stage and need new skills and strategies. Then, if we have a 2nd, 3rd or 4th, we discover that what we thought we knew about parenting changes with every child.
Parenting is hard work. It makes us grow up very fast when suddenly we have this little child dependent upon us at all times. Time is no longer our own. We have to give up things we love doing because we now have this new person in our lives, who is totally dependent upon us. While having a child seemed like a good idea, or maybe happened spontaneously, the reality can hit pretty hard. We are totally in love with this little being, who has come into our lives, and we are totally exhausted by the constancy of the attention and need required (which continues into their adulthood.)
The truth is that our child did not choose to be born. We made the choice that they would exist. We chose their lives for them. And please, don’t ever say that your child is an accident (even it an “accident” lead to their creation). We have chosen our children, even if it wasn’t a totally conscious choice. They had no say in whether they would come into this world. And so, when they are tired or cranky or hungry, and driving us absolutely nuts – it is not their fault! We are the parents. We made the choice and we are responsible. So how do we do it – this challenging thing called parenting….
First of all, there are some things you need to know:
-You are the most important person in your child’s life. They don’t want another parent. They want you. They need your unconditional love and your undivided attention. They need you more than anyone else. They are others who will love and support them, who will be important in their lives. But no one will ever replace you, their parent. They need you as their parent, no matter how old they get.
-You are your child’s best bet. No one else has your child’s best interests at heart. Their peers don’t have your child’s best interests at heart – they are too busy growing up themselves. Social media sites, advertisements and sports teams don’t have your child’s best interests as priority. They have other priorities (such as making money or winning.) Keeping your child’s best interest as priority is your job as parents. No one else can do it for you. It is your privilege and responsibility.
-You know what your child needs. You are the experts on your own child. Yes, you can get information and ideas from others, some of it helpful and some of it not. But no one knows your child like you do. Not your child’s teacher, not your child’s coach, and not me who is writing this article. You know your child and you will be in your child’s life long after others have come and gone. Trust what you know about your child. Don’t let anyone tell you that they know your child better than you.
-Your job is to keep the loving relationship you have with your child strong for them. Your job is to surround your child with unconditional love, to buffer them from the hurts of the world and to let them know that no matter what happens you are there for them. There are days when you won’t have another ounce of energy to give, but you’ll somehow find the resources to step up and be what your child needs you to be. We dig deep for our children. Nothing could be more worth it!
It is hard work, demanding work being a parent. It is relentless and exhausting. But it is also the most amazing job in the world. There is nothing as wonderful as creating a home in which a child is nurtured and loved into all that God intends them to be. That’s why we do it! With God as our helper.
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