Our children are now home from school for an undetermined period, weeks if not months. We as adults feel alarm and anxiety and so do our children and teens. Our faith has a gift for us in the midst of this current situation: the message that “God is with us; we are not alone!” God doesn’t magically cure or change things in the world; God’s love does work through us, with us and within us through all that life brings our way. It is the love we know from God and the love that we share with family and friends (even from a distance) that helps us through.
God has given us three gifts that help us not only survive, but also adapt to new situations of any kind. These gifts are breath, tears and play. The part of the brain that controls each of these is found deep within the brain, in the most protected area. We are meant to have these three functions to help us through life!
Breath: well, that seems obvious. We need to breathe to survive. However, our breath also helps us centre ourselves and calm ourselves. If you are feeling stressed or overwhelmed, pause, take three deep breaths, let your shoulders drop, and remember that you are loved and cared for. Model this for your children.
Tears: We need our tears and they too come from a protected area of our brain. When we cry, we release what we can’t change and we are able to adapt. We might be afraid of our tears, but really they are a gift. We might be afraid that if we start crying, we won’t stop, but science says that we will stop. We don’t even have to cry about the exact thing we need to cry about. Watch a sad movie; read a sad book. Let the tears come. You’ll feel better. Welcome your children’s tears as well.
Play: Play is not frivolous. Play is essential to us as human beings, for adults as well as children. Play is a rest from work and from stress. Play is where we can express all of our emotions in a safe way. Play isn’t always fun or funny, but it does engage us. Right now, our children and teens need lots of time to play. Video games don’t fulfill this, but board games do. Build, create, imagine, act, and engage in play together as a family.
And Pray: Prayer is connecting with God. You are not socially isolated from God. You can share your frustration, your fears, and your hopes with God. Bring your breath, tears and play in prayer to God.
Use this time to build faith as a family: Say grace at meals. Tell stories from scripture. Name what you are thankful for. (More ideas to come next week).
A few things I’d like to share with you about caring for our children and teens through this time:
1. Children and teens, like adults, deal with stress and alarm each in their own unique way. Just because your child or teen seems fine doesn’t mean that they aren’t feeling alarmed. Pay attention to the little things they are doing and saying, and create lots of room in which they can ask questions and express their feelings.
2. Keep adult conversations away from children and teens. If you are scared about the spread of the virus or if you have financial worries, make sure your children and teens aren’t overhearing them. They may start to hold back what they are feeling in order to protect the adults who feed them, love them, and provide them shelter. That is not their job. Make sure they can’t listen in on your conversations. If they do, reassure them that you’ve got this because you’re the adult (even if you aren’t sure you do.)
3. If your child’s behaviour seems to regress to younger behaviour, don’t worry. That is natural. They need more comfort and care right now – so offer them lots.
4. Be aware of addictions and abuse. If you or your partner are feeling highly frustrated or alarmed, and that is being taken out on each other and/or the children, or if you are using addictive substances or practices to deal with the alarm, please reach out for help. This is a time when abuse and addictions can grow. You and your children do not deserve to live in an environment of abuse and addictions.
We will get through this – by remembering that we are together even while we are physically apart. If you are self-isolating at home, this is a wonderful time to create, play, and engage with your children. Even teens will sooner or later be interested in doing things together as a family.
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