Are you a worrier? Are your kids worriers? What can you do with those worries? Worry is like a worm that eats away at our lives, consuming the joy, the love, the delight, the wonder, and the hope that we should enjoy in our daily lives. I’ve known brides who were so wound up with worry about the details of their wedding day that they didn’t enjoy the wedding or even remember it afterwards. I’ve known parents who are so tense with worry about what might happen to their children that they missed the wonder of their child’s first steps or the lasting memory of finger-painting in the mud.
Here is the truth about worry. It does nothing for you. It adds nothing to your life. It does not protect you or save you. It has absolutely no value. Jesus said it best: “Can any of you by worrying add a single hour to the length of your life? If then you are not able to do so small a thing, why do you worry about the rest, about food and clothes?” (Luke 12:25-26)
Now, don’t start worrying about being a worrier. It is quite natural to worry. It is part of our survival instinct to pay attention to things that might harm us or our loved ones. That’s why it takes spiritual practice to release ourselves from worrying. We have to set the intention to stop worrying, to put our worries into God’s hands, and to start embracing the wonder of life, and then keep practicing it until it feels more natural. Here’s some ideas:
Talk about your worries. They lose their power when they are named to a friend or family member. You gain a different perspective and find you are not alone.
Write your worries on paper as they come to you and drop them in a box, or pin them to a clothes line, or write them in a journal At the end of the day, offer them to God, reviewing each one and tuck them away into God’s care. Then at the end of a month or the end of the year, review those folded up worries. You’ll probably be surprised at how many weren’t worth worrying over.
Every time a worry pops into your head, say/think, “Over to you, God! You’re going to have to handle that!”
Remind yourself that at this moment (even if it is in the midst of a difficult situation), at this moment, life is okay/good/beautiful/full of love. All we really have in life are the moments, this moment and then the next. We need to savour this moment and not worry about what could go wrong in the next one.
With your children & grandchildren,
Don’t tell your children about your fears and worries. They have enough of their own and shouldn’t feel responsible for what you are worrying about.
Don’t belittle or deny your child’s worries. Don’t dismiss it and tell them not to worry. Acknowledge what they name. Listen to their fear, even if it seems strange to you.
You, as the adult, need to be bigger than your child’s worries and fears. Even if they are worrying about some of the same things that you worry about, you need to model that we can do something with our worries and enjoy life instead of worrying. Say, “Yes, I hear that you are worried about ______. I see that it is bothering you. What I want you to know is that right now, in this moment, life is good. I love you. Your family loves you. Together we can face any worries.” You might also add something about what you’ve learned about worrying such as “Let’s just take it a day/moment at a time and not get too far ahead of ourselves.” or “You know, I’ve found that usually what I worry about never turns out to be as bad as I thought and usually turns out much better.” or “Something I like to remember is that things have a way of working out.” or “I always ask God to take care of my worries and that helps me.” Be bigger than your child’s worries and model a way to let go of worries and enjoy living.
Use and adapt the four ideas in the first section to suit your child and your situation. Teach them one of the prayers below to use when they feel worried.
Another truth about worry: the things we worry the most about usually don’t happen, and usually aren’t as bad as we imagine. I have always said to my boys, “Things have a way of working out!” and I find that that is true. John Lennon once said, “Everything will be okay in the end. If it isn’t okay, then it isn’t the end.”
Yes, bad things can happen. Tragedy & disaster can happen. We know that only too well here in High River. However, letting our lives be eaten up by worry over what might happen is not worth it. Worry doesn’t change anything. Working harder doesn’t change anything. Trying to make sure we never fail or never make a mistake doesn’t work.
Love does. Hope does. Changing what we can change helps. Inviting others to listen and to help us does. Handing the worries over to God, so that you can enjoy the moment you are in, does. Ultimately, we are creative, resilient, capable people, who can find our way through and out of most situations. And if we can’t do it ourselves, there are others who will support, encourage and help us, and there is God who is always there for us.
It is amazing when we hand our worries over to God how much more we can enjoy life and love life, even when things are challenging. When we invite God in, God’s power at work within us can accomplish infinitely more than we can ask for or imagine, as it says in Ephesians. God is bigger than our worries. I leave you with two prayers to use every day:
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference. Amen. Reinhold Niebuhr
It is night after a long day. What has been done has been done; what has not been done has not been done; let it be. The New Zealand Prayer Book
Not worrying is a spiritual practice – and it does take practice – but what a gift it offers our lives! So go, don’t worry, but do savour and enjoy the gift of this moment!
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