It’s Hallowe’en time again. Every year I hear questions about its purpose and why we celebrate the occasion. Now I could go into historical background for the holiday, but I think the reason that it holds on, long after all the beliefs with which it was connected have gone, is because it is fun.
How many things do we do in our lives that are just for fun? My guess is not many. It is ingrained in us that what we do must have a purpose. (Thank our Puritan, Protestant & Victorian ancestors for that!) Activities are chosen for skills that can be achieved and awards that can be won. Pre-schoolers can’t just listen to music, they should listen to Mozart to help them with future math skills. Parents have been known to choose pre-schools on the basis of how that pre-school will help their child get into the university of choice. Everything must have a purpose, a goal, a reason. When was the last time that you and your children did something just for fun, something silly. That’s why we keep Hallowe’en around – to have one thing that is just for fun, with no real purpose in our lives.
It is okay to have fun. FUN is something that is not harmful to yourself or others. FUN is energizing. FUN is random and free with no purpose or intent to achieve a goal. Getting drunk or high is not fun because it is harmful to self and others. Vandalism is not fun because it is harmful. Put-downs of other people and jokes at the expense of others are not fun.
Fun is finger-painting with pudding on wax paper. Fun is making witch-finger cookies with almonds for fingernails. Fun is spontaneously watching Mr. Bean or The Three Stooges and laughing until your belly hurts. Fun is blowing bubbles or building a snowman or rolling in a pile of leaves. Fun is dressing up and pretending you’re someone or something you can’t be in real life. Fun is doing something at the spur of the moment with little or no planning. Fun is letting go and just being. Fun is FUN!
What is at the core of FUN? Being together. And that is what is the most important. Our children need us just to be with them. More than activities, more than awards, more than time with friends and playmates, our children need us. How do you raise a happy, healthy, resilient kid who will do well at whatever job they eventually undertake? Sit down together for supper most evenings of the week. That’s what studies show over and over again makes the biggest difference. It’s about being together. Our children need US. We are their answer. They need time to be close to us (physically and emotionally). They need safe space in which they can share their ideas, problems and feelings.
The first way that our children attach to us is through the senses. That’s why babies need to be held. They need to physically feel our touch, to hear our voice and heartbeat, to smell us, to be fed by us, to see us and get to know our face, in order to grow and thrive. That need for physical connection doesn’t go away as our children grow. At every age, they need to be physically close – hearing us, seeing us, eating with us, receiving hugs from us – in order to know that their world is okay. We are their anchor, their home, their foundation as they venture forth into a chaotic world.
And what better way to have that time of being close to one another than through doing something just for fun. Watch Mr. Bean or The Three Stooges! Sit together (and maybe add some gentle tickles). Hear one another laughing. Make some popcorn & hot chocolate, smell the aromas and enjoy the tastes together. See the smiles on each other’s faces. Just for fun! Just to be together!
There are so few things left in our lives that are just for fun! More than ever we need fun, laughter and closeness with each other! For our children & for us, those times of fun and being together make the tough things easier to handle and the world not seem so bad. So why not dress up & have fun!
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