for the Father up above is looking down in love, O, be careful little eyes what you see.
O, be careful little hands what you do… O, be careful little ears what you hear…
O, be careful little mouth what you say… O, be careful little feet where you go…
I remember singing that song in Sunday School as a child. God was the judge, ever watchful of little eyes, ears, mouths, feet and hands which might be getting into trouble. The statement that the “Father…is looking down in love” was a softening of previous children’s hymns which were quite blatant about God punishing wrong doers. One children’s story in the early 1900’s tells of a boy who mischievously crawls up a neighbour’s tree to grab an apple. The boy falls to his death and the story makes quite clear that this was God punishing the boy for stealing. God was the stern ruler of the universe, demanding obedience and handing out punishment.
Following World War 1, there was a clear decision made, especially within Canadian churches, to focus on the God of love and compassion. God as Judge was replaced by images of God walking through nature with the child, protecting, loving, comforting, caring…. such as in the hymns “This is my Father’s world” and “God sees the little sparrow fall.”
Why is this important to us? How we understand God affects how we look at ourselves, at our children and at other people…and how we respond to behaviours that we see. I think that, deep down, many of us still imagine God as the judge, who will punish us if we do something wrong. Then we judge ourselves for not being perfect and we judge our children for not being perfect. And we punish our children with time-outs or spanking, grounding or consequences when they have made a mistake, rather than coming alongside them to help them learn and grow.
The gospels are clear. Jesus did not judge; he welcomed those outcast by society, tax collectors, lepers, the blind, widows and foreigners. “Do not judge, so that you may not be judged” (Matt. 7:1) Jesus says to the crowds. Yet, how many times a day do we harshly judge ourselves, our children and people around us? I think that we really do still fear a God who is the Judge, who is ever-watchful with a stern eye, ready to mete out punishment.
If we take Jesus’ word for it, God is steadfast love. God is compassion. God is there to wipe the tears from our eyes, when mistakes, tragedy and disaster befall us. This is not a God who is watching every little mistake and judging us for those mistakes. This is a God who comes alongside us, encouraging us, helping us find the way when we are lost, helping us pick up the pieces when we have messed up or life has dealt us a blow.
I think we also get pulled into judging our children because of what we hear around us in society. “Got to start hockey by the age of 3, or you won’t make the NHL!” “Got to have singing lessons by age of 5 or you won’t be a star!” “Got to be reading before you go to school or there’s something wrong!” There is so much pressure on us as parents to make sure that we provide all these activities and experiences so our children will be successes in life. And so we fall into the trap of judging our children, with the best of intentions in our hearts. We want our children to have good lives. We want them to be the best at whatever they choose to do. But what is a happy and successful life?
Truthfully, I wouldn’t want my children to play in the NHL when I hear about the abuse of drugs and alcohol, and culture of violence imbedded in the organization. Enjoy playing hockey, yes, but I’m not pushing them. I wouldn’t want my child touring the world as a concert pianist, each night in a different hotel room, with long periods away from family and friends. Enjoy making music, yes! but my child doesn’t have to be the best in the world. I don’t have to be behind them judging every move, pushing them through the ranks, punishing mis-steps and failures.
More and more research is showing that what makes for a happy, healthy and long life is time to sit, eat and converse face to face with other people. Isn’t that interesting!
I invite us to pay attention: how often do we operate out of judgement? How often do we judge first ourselves, then our children and then others? I think often that judgement comes out of fear – fear that our children won’t succeed in life, fear that our children won’t finish school, fear that they will make the same mistakes that we made. And I think that ultimately that fear is rooted in how we see God. We fear that God is sitting up there, looking down and judging our every action – and that we are failing miserably!!
Let’s try a different approach. Let us hold in our hearts God’s love and compassion. Let us trust that God sees, not our failures and mistakes, but our beautiful selves, our abilities and our potential. Then let us look at our children with those same eyes. Look at our children as beautiful and beloved, just like when we first held them as infants. When they make a mistake, we come alongside them and support them in learning from their mistakes, just like we learn from our mistakes. Rather than seeing disobedience, we look at a child who is tired or confused or hungry or excited, or who is distracted by fears and vulnerability and just can’t do what we asked because there is too much going on emotionally for them, and then we provide food or a nap or a calmer environment. When they don’t follow instructions, we take time to wonder, “Why?” and then come alongside them and work together at the task, or come up with a different plan. . We can be our child’s cheering section rather than judge; our child’s mentor rather than evaluator. In love, we say, “No” and set limits for our children, and we make space for their tears and sadness when they don’t like those limits. We are the wise, compassionate people in our children‘s lives, rather than the ones punishing every mistake and judging every failure.
Being human means that we make mistakes, we fail sometimes and succeed at others, and through it all we learn and grow. Being a human in relationship with God means that we are enfolded in steadfast love and compassion, that God loves us just as we are. God is not the judge. God is not watching for every mistake of our eyes and mouths and ears and hands. God is love. Let us be God’s love and compassion for our children!
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