©Susan Lukey 2014

 

There are times in life when there is very little “Go” left in your “Get-Up-And-Go.” You can be an active, healthy, energetic person one day, able to take on new projects, organize your days to accomplish a million things, ready to get kids to activities and parents to medical appointments without missing a beat. But then something happens that knocks your breath, your energy, out of you. And suddenly you find that you are not able to handle what you used to be able to hand, not able to accomplish as much in a day as you are used to accomplishing. You think you should be able to do it – but the “Go” isn’t there.

 

It can be a death of a loved one, a sudden change in employment or relationships, or a natural disaster – anything that brings an unexpected and difficult change into one’s life can significantly change the energy you have available. Even the simplest, everyday tasks can feel overwhelming. But each trauma, death, disaster and life change comes with another set of tasks and demands. Suddenly, just when you feel depleted, you have more paperwork, planning, contacts to be made and choices that you wish you didn’t have to be making. All of these new tasks and demands take from your pool of energy.

 

It’s more than that though. A huge piece of your energy is being used to emotionally and spiritually sort out what has happened to you, your family & your community. It is as if everything you’ve believed, trusted, dreamed and imagined for your life is a big puzzle whose pieces have been tossed into the air and come down in one big heap, and you have to sort through and put the picture back together, BUT, because of the trauma that has happened, you have to create a whole new picture. Pieces don’t fit back where they once did. New pieces have been thrown in to the mix and old ones have just disappeared. Pieces you were absolutely certain about no longer make sense. Pieces that you felt totally at ease with suddenly seem awkward and out of place. And all of this takes a huge amount of mental, emotional and spiritual energy to sort out. It takes time – lots of time.

 

And you find yourself standing in the middle of a room, with no clue how you got there or why you came. You’re in the middle of washing dishes when you discover that you’ve been standing with your hands in water staring out the window for many minutes without touching a dish. You start a task that used to take mere moments and it now takes twice or three or ten times as long. Or you start one task and, without being conscious of it, move on to another task and then another task, and at some point eventually find yourself back at the first task with nothing completed in the meantime.

 

You’re not going crazy. You aren’t a failure. It is all because of this unwanted, undeserved, senseless thing that has happened in your life, which suddenly demands all the energy you have and then some. The way you have functioned, the energy you have had, the tasks you used to accomplish no longer work the same. Your energy is demanded somewhere else – and that’s just the way it is right now.

 

All of which might be handled if you didn’t also have others depending upon you – children, aging parents, your job and your volunteer commitments. Wouldn’t it be nice, if when hit by death, disaster and trauma, you could quit your job and have someone else manage your house and day to day affairs? But it doesn’t often work that way. And if we have children, we know we need to be there for them, no matter what. So what do we do when our “Go” has gone?

  1. Know that the time will come when you have more energy & focus      once again.
  2. Give yourself permission to do less than you usually do.
  3. Give yourself permission to not do things as perfectly as you      usually do.
  4. Now is a good time to set new priorities. What do you really need to do? What can      wait?
  5. Learn to say, “No,” to tasks, work & demands that you really      don’t have the energy for.
  6. Don’t do something just because you think you “should” be able to      do it.
  7. Choose places to go and activities to do that give you energy,      that fill you up.
  8. Accept help, plan rest, schedule fun!
  9. If you find yourself getting worse (more lethargic, less able to      make decisions, crying more), get help by going to your minister, your      doctor, a counselling centre or a mental health agency.
  10. Gradually the feelings and demands of the trauma should soften and      take up less of your energy.       Gradually you should feel energy coming back. But it takes time – it will be gradual.

Parents, remember that your children need you more than they need activities and sports and lessons. If you are feeling overwhelmed, you can assume that they are as well. Take time just to be a family. Sleep in. Make a meal together. Have movie night at home. Go for a walk. Read a book together. Hang out together with some friends. Just be together!

 

The time will come when you have energy for what you don’t have energy for now. You can’t change the fact that death, disaster or trauma has impacted your life and taken the “Go” out of your “Get-Up-And-Go.”   So take a deep breath and give yourself permission to do life in a new way.

 

Who knows? You might discover that having less activities, sports & lessons, a less clean & organized house, and more time to rest & play might suit you and your family just fine going forward!